Unfair
by Bella-trix-the-strange
Summary: I've felt so strongly for him for so long. But he chose her, and I wonder if he'll ever feel about me how i feel about him.Ginny's POV, set before HBP. I really suck at summaries...but read anyway please : please R&R this is my first fanfic


_**Disclaimer:**_ _I don't own the wonderful world of Harry Potter, or any of the characters in it. That credit goes to the lovely Ms. JK Rowling._

**Unfair**

It's silly really. Pathetic even, if you think about it. Not to mention, it makes no sense whatsoever. I've had a crush on the same guy since I was 10. You're not even supposed to LIKE boys at that point in time. Truth is, I didn't. Other guys, that is. But the moment I saw him, I knew this one was different. I don't know how, I just did. I hadn't even spoken to him yet and I knew. Ok, wait, that's not true…I think I said "Good Luck". He was nervous about going through the platform. Even that was endearing to me. I spent that entire year wishing I was at Hogwarts more than ever, and for the first time, it wasn't because I missed my brothers or because I longed to be at a place so fascinating and full of magic. It was because a boy that I'd read about, a boy I'd heard the name of all my life, had taken half my heart with him when he got on that train.

It sounds so stupid, even to my ears. Trust me, I know! I was 10! How could I feel so strongly? Well, you could say it was just a childish crush, that I'd made myself believe was more. I've tried to convince myself of that very same thing a hundred times over. Because even then, he didn't know who I was. He stayed at my house that summer, and I was too embarrassed, too frazzled to speak to him. Great job Ginny, now he REALLY notices you….yeah, he has no idea who you are. But God, was he amazing. He was just so nice, so beautiful and so…brave. I wasn't basing this on his past…no; I could see it in his eyes. He was brave, for so many more reasons than for the defeat of You-Know-Who. I knew his story, I knew of his parents, and now that I knew him, I wanted to make it all better, I wanted to take that pain away.

The next year, I spent a long time being someone that I didn't want to be. All the while trying to make him notice me, in any way. But I had bigger things on my mind than him, because of the terrors in the school, terrors I was causing. When he saved me, my emotions were jumping back and forth between extreme gratitude and mortification. He now knew who I was, but he would never like me now, not after this. But he was friendly and helpful and just genuinely happy that I was alive afterwards. I couldn't believe it, how could he not hate me? And I loved him all the more for it.

Yes, love. By this point, I knew that that was what it was. Crushes aren't that strong. This was something bigger, something monumental. This was L-O-V-E. And yet, he STILL didn't know who I was. Well, of course, he knew who I was. I was "Ron's little sister". He didn't know Ginny Weasley. My second year, we barely interacted. I had become comfortable in my surroundings, and I had things to occupy my thoughts. But that doesn't mean that every time I had a spare minute to think, those thoughts didn't stray to Harry. But, since we didn't ever talk, I didn't even notice when he first noticed _her._

Third Year, I thought that would be MY year. It made sense that that would be my year. I was 13; he was 14, a good age for us to be together. I was scared for him all through that year, my heart ramming in my chest every time he went through one of those brutal tasks. If I lost him…well I couldn't even contemplate that. It would be just too hard. He didn't even know how I felt yet. Well, Ron had definitely told him I had a crush on him. Fred and George too, they must have informed him of my little obsession back when I was 11. But no one would have expected it to last this long. Normal crushes don't last this long. But, I still wasn't what he wanted. He took forever to ask someone to the Yule Ball, I thought I might end up his date, maybe just as a default. But as the date loomed nearer, my chances grew smaller and smaller, so when Neville asked, I figured I'd go. It was the only way to go to the ball, and Neville's a good guy. When I heard he'd asked Cho, I could have killed her. I didn't know much about her, except that she was pretty good at Quidditch, but suddenly I was imagining a myriad of inventive ways of decapitating that pretty little head of hers from her body. She wouldn't make much of a Yule Ball date then, now would she? To my pleasure, she already had a date. Shows just how much a fool she was, she didn't deserve his affection. And although Harry went with Parvati, I knew there was no reason to be jealous there. They were both using the other as a last resort, neither feeling much beyond friendship.

It was then that I realized it had finally happened. I realized I had been holding my breath for 4 years, just assuming that he'd fall for me the way I fell for him. I had just assumed that he would realize I was right for him, and we'd be each other's first loves. I could wait, that wasn't the problem, it just had to happen. But then, when he asked Cho to the ball, it meant that he had never fallen, never realized that I was supposed to be that first crush, first love. Which meant, that my assumptions were wrong, which meant that there was the possibility that he'd never fall for me. That was something I hadn't even seriously considered before.

And so, I "gave up" for lack of better words. I didn't truly give up, because I still felt for him and just as strongly as before. I couldn't help it. Every time we talked, I couldn't help but smile. I couldn't stop the shivers that ran down my spine when he brushed past me, or when he was just there, in the room, laughing along with my family. So, I took the alternate route, and learned to ignore my feelings. They were always there, in the back of my mind, but I pushed them forcefully aside, determined to be friends with him. It worked, he finally knew who I was as a person, and we were genuinely friends. He wasn't just my brothers' friend, he was mine as well, and he didn't just know me as the little girl who shied away each time he spoke.

I hadn't gone out properly with anyone before that time. It wasn't from lack of offers, trust me, it was by choice. The offers were always flattering, but I could never fully see them as anything more. I began to look at my other options, away from Harry. Because cute, sweet, funny, lovely, brave, smart, frustrating, pig-headed, amazing Harry Potter probably would never fall for me. So I went out with the best of the options, the one who liked me the most, and the one I could potentially like the most. For the most part, it helped me relax around Harry, and helped him to think that I wasn't still hung up on him, which was essential for our friendship to be real.

But then, he went out with Cho Chang, and devastated my entire existence. To the outside world, I was perfectly fine. I had a boyfriend, so no one would think I had any reason to be sad. So I hid my pain. And I WAS in pain. I was a fool to think I could push those feelings aside. I still felt as strongly as ever. I loved him with all my heart and it stung worse than I could have imagined for him to choose her. What did she have that I didn't? What made her so special? But maybe…maybe she wasn't special…maybe I just wasn't good enough. Maybe, it wasn't just me against her; maybe I was never in the running to begin with. The pain shouldn't have been that overwhelming, that all-consuming. I'd definitely felt for him for too long. Hadn't I achieved friendship? Why couldn't my mind and my heart reconcile? I'd liked him for 5 years damn it! It's not supposed to happen like that! We'd never even been together, and I felt as if he'd openly rejected me for her. Seeing them together was like having someone squeezing my heart. Like it contracted from the pain, as if my heart itself tried to shy away, to disappear. It was all too much. Why couldn't it have been me? Why did he like her more? What made it worse, was there were many who knew of my feelings…they only knew of a fraction of how I felt, but they knew of the way I thought of him. So when he chose her, they pitied me, Hermione especially. I didn't need pity. I needed a reaction from Harry himself.

I had convinced myself that therein laid the problem. I had never received any reaction from him. Obviously no reciprocation, but no open rejection either. He'd never come out and given me a response. I think I could properly move on if he would just give me a response, one way or the other.

But this constant waiting, this constant hope of something, just makes no sense to continue. Girls my age aren't supposed to have found that person yet, and if they had, it's supposed to be someone who wants them back. These strong feelings aren't supposed to be directed at someone who feels that way for someone else. If I feel this strongly for him, he should feel this same all-consuming love for me as well. Shouldn't he?

Their relationship didn't last, but that doesn't mean he wants me. So, I'll continue life the way I have, with the boyfriend who knows deep down that he's my second choice, with the friends who pity me behind my back, not completely understanding my pain, and the object of my affections oblivious to the way I feel and not feeling anywhere near the same way about me. I will continue to be Ginny Weasley. Strong, athletic, tenacious, funny, pretty and unfazed to the outside world; pained, broken, insignificant and utterly alone on the inside.

**A/N: This is my first fan fic, so please R&R, I could really use your advice and support :)**


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